I feel like I’m drowning again in the gap between my own failures and everyone else’s milestones.
People are moving abroad. They’re having children. They’re making money. They’re getting invited to PhD interviews. Their papers are being published. They’re building lives that keep moving forward.

And me?
Nothing.

I’m consumed by envy, resentment, and a constant sense of inadequacy. I can’t appreciate the things I do have because all I can see is everything I don’t.
I hate the way I look. My teeth. My nose. The blackheads on my skin. My hair. My body. The extra kilos I’ve been carrying. Being exhausted all the time. Being irritable all the time. My depression. The fact that my mind still wanders back to my ex, only to remind me I still don’t feel like I was enough. Sometimes I think the part of me I resent the most is my own mind. Or my mind resents me fully.
at this point, doesn't really matter anymore.

Instead, I remain here— watching life happen to everyone else, while my own, feels as though it has quietly withered in place.